Sin CIty

Waaaaaay back in the day, my bff Bek and I watched Sin City and then decided to narrate walks to class as if we were in the movie.  Everything was dramatic and bloody and it was glorious.  These little verbal stories turned into Facebook posts, and a little novel was born.  Like the Wolfman story, Bek and I alternated telling the story, and like with Wolfman, I can’t remember who wrote what.  I think I am Diamond and she is Ruby.  It’s incredibly gruesome but hilarious, so enjoy! 

It was a dark cold night as I turned down that deserted street with my partner. The moon burst forth from behind the thick layer of clouds, but only for an instant, as if to show how quick death can come for you. I look at my partner. I think to myself, ‘she looks ill’ but not wanting to alarm her, I tell her she will be ok. “you will be ok” this pain in my knees wont go away. ‘pull yourself together old woman and get this last job done. the pain is only temporary.’

The cold breeze of death brushed past my skin as I walked along the cold, lifeless street. The sound of my feet hitting the hard pavement was the only sound of life. My partner was lagging behind. She was weak. I knew her time was running short. she couldn’t go much longer. You’ll be okay I said with fake assurance. “you’ll be okay.”

I glance to my right, sensing death, but see only dead trees. Their branches look like long skeleton fingers, reaching towards the heavens. The air is still, except for the soft clicking of my partners shoes on the frozen cement. The air is freezing, the wind cuts through me like a knife. I feel like I’m being watched. My partner needs to know this. “I think we are being watched” I tell her, and we pick up the pace, bringing us only quicker to our impending doom.

I see a car approaching, then another- then another… it was a trap and we had fallen right into it’s evil clutches. There was no way out, this was the end. We were sure to be tortured until our intestines hung from our stomachs and our eyes were brutally scooped out. I tell my partner to hurry. “hurry” she notices the danger and we both take a sharp right turn down a dark alley…

The dark ally we have turned down is completely deserted. A few scattered newspapers are blown across our path. An old dumpster is seems to be lurking in the corner. A foul stench is coming from it. Probably an old rotting corpse. Someday we will all be rotting corpses. A car pulls up to the entrance of this dark as a tomb ally-way, and a large man gets out. Good thing my partner and I have our guns with us. Suddenly the man pulls out a machine gun, and before you can scream “we’re dead” he riddles our bodies with bullets. Lucky for us these are minor flesh wounds…

The car suddenly turns and drives away. It vanishes in the darkness- just like life does. My partner and i had each been shot at least 178 times but we get up and proceed to walk it off. with blood spurting from our bullet wounds we stumble out of the alley and I realize it’s a trap!! “it’s a trap!” I yell- but it was too late…

“its a trap” my partner yells, and before I know it we are surrounded. We stand back to bloody back and point our guns at our attackers. Our attackers aren’t fazed and they begin to approach us. This is the end. A heck of a way to end a partnership. I tell my partner that it’s been great “it’s been great.” Our attackers get closer, but then, lucky for us, the blood spewing from our many bullet wounds blinds our attackers! The stuff that makes up our blood is beginning to eat out their eyes! i tell my partner to run. “run!!”…

we make a run for it and our attackers try to grab us- but we are so blood soaked that we slip out of their grasps. I jump into one of their cars and my partner jumps in the passenger side. With some of my fast and furious driving we easily get away. Soon the car runs out of gas so we slide out of the car and begin walking down the cold street once again. Then we see the shadow of someone walking ahead of us- the shadow disappears, just like our miserable, stupid, meaningless, little lives do. Where did that person go I say. “Where did that person go?” …

my partner asks me where that person went. i have no idea, but not wanting to alarm her i tell her he turned down a back ally, will backtrack and try to shoot us in the back. “he turned down a back ally, will backtrack, and try to shoot us in the back.” in order to confuse our newest killer, we make an abrupt left turn down another dark ally. this ally is dark, dark as a tomb, save for the one lone light shining feebly from a street-lamp. I can see the outline of several dead bugs lying at the bottom of the bulb. dead. like we will soon be. all of a sudden the light burns out. just like our lives are slowly burning out. I feel as though we are being followed. I turn around and as I do my scarf is blown tightly around my neck, giving me the feeling that my meaningless life is being choked from me. I swear I can hear footsteps so I tell my partner. “I swear I can hear footsteps.” she turns around and suddenly…

as my partner and I turn around, we hear the clank of something metal landing at our feet- we look down and see a grenade! Crap I yell- “CRAP! IT’S A GRENADE!” I turn to kick this cold, heartless weapon of death as far away as possible- but it’s too late! it explodes! BBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMM! Everything goes black. I open my eyes to see my bloody, mangled partner lying on the hard ground. I don’t know if she’s still breathing or not. I’ve never seen so much blood in my life. I can’t even imagine what I look like. Then I hear a car driving up- this was sure to be the end…

Looks can be deceiving. It looked like it was over, but it was far, far from being over. I hear a car drive up, and two people get out. I open my eyes and through the blood I can make out that one of them is yellow, and I can only see the other ones glasses. My partner and I slowly stagger to our feet, look at the messengers of Satan who have come to claim our lives, and run. Our two killers attempt to run us down, but slip and slide through our pools of blood left on the ground. My partner and I reach a low wall. We jump over it, turn around in mid-air, and point our guns at the twin grim reapers…..

As we fly backwards through the air we unload our guns into their worthless bodies. We both hit the ground, landing on our backs. We’ve got to be sure they’re dead, I think. “We’ve got to be sure they’re dead.” We slowly poke our heads above the wall to see what has happened to our antagonists. but to our dismay we see how they are gone! gone just like all our lives will be one day soon. only a bloody trail remains. We’ve got to follow them and finish them off i say. “we’ve got to follow them and finish them off.”…

We climb back over the wall that only seconds ago we valiantly jumped over, and follow the bloody trail. Strangely their bloodied path does not take us back to their vehicle. This is odd – I think. “This is odd”. We have come to a fork in the road, and here the one trail splits into two separate slimy ooie gooie blood trails. Not wanting to separate, we closely examine the trail to figure out with demon is more deadly, then we will pursue him, and then come back to rob another worthless being of his life…

The bloody trail leads us out of town and into some deep, dark woods. Everything is grey and dead. We walk a little farther until we see a farm house. We better watch our step I say, “We better watch our step.” We go up to the door and turn the blood stained handle. The door creaks open and we find ourselves standing in a room full of mounted heads! I gag. “Buck it up” I say to myself as i step inside. This guy was a sicko- he had to be killed. Suddenly the door slammed shut behind us…

My partner and I whirl around, but no one is there! All we see is a bloody decapitated corpse strung up on the back of the door. We turn back around and come face to bloody face with the man with the glasses. He gives us a nasty cocky crooked smile. I can see his teeth are stained with blood, and there are bit of flesh stuck between his teeth. Who is this psychotic killer!? What have we gotten ourselves into!? The stench of death is so strong in this place, I think that I might gag. ‘Pull yourself together’ I tell myself. My partner and I look at each other, nod, and pull our secret weapons from within our long black jackets…

Since my partner seems stunned, and unable to react *cough cough* I quickly take control of the situation. I grab my machine gun and her bazooka, and riddle the glasses guy with bullets. All that remains of him is his skeleton, with pieces of bloody flesh clinging to his bones. My partner snaps out of her zone and we turn into the dark death-like night to finish off our other assassin. *enter theme music*

My partner didn’t realize that I had been temporarily stunned by a poisonous dart. Luckily it had worn off so we continued into the darkness. There were no stars in the pitch black sky, and suddenly we smelled that awful smell of death. It’s the yellow guy I said, “It’s the yellow guy!” I knew he was close. Suddenly from out of nowhere he appeared! I flipped into Lara Croft mode and pulled out my two colt .45s from my sexy leg holsters and began raining bullets into is pathetic, yellow body… he fell onto the ground, flailing is arms and legs as if in a seizure while I continued shooting…

There was yellow blood spewing everywhere as my partner completely destroyed our yellow phantom menace. After she shot at him for 5 mins, I thought he was dead. ” I think he’s dead.” She stopped shooting, and we both stared down at our nasty soon to be decomposed and rotting friend. He had been reduced to a pile of yellow goo. I noticed he was holding something in his hand. I looked closer and saw that it was a cell-phone. “It’s a cell-phone” I yelled just as a I heard a new car of death drive up….

He must have dialed backup I said “he must have dialed back-up!” the car came at incredible speeds right at us and I knew we were abt to be splattered across it’s windshield like a bug. WHUMF! My partner and I flew over the hood of the car. Every one of the worthless bones in our pitiful bodies had to be broken as we landed on the ground. The car stopped, everything went black…

When I came to, I saw that my partner and I were strapped down on a table. We were going to be tortured within an inch of our meaningless worthless lives. I could hear our new enemies sharpening knives and screwdrivers in a back room. I looked over at the mangled body of my partner and saw she was waking up. We both knew we had to escape somehow. It was then that I realized the bonds that were holding me down were slippery from the massive amount of blood that covered me. I was able to slide out like a fish slides between a fisherman’s hands when trying to escape death…

My eyes began to open and I realized that my partner and I were tied to a table. Diamond (my partner) was awake and I saw she had gotten an arm free. Help get me out of here I said. “Help get me out of here.” We undid our hands and feet and then looked around the room. It was cold, dark, damp and smelled like rotting flesh. Against the walls were shelves of torture instruments. Just then we heard voices and footsteps coming towards the room…

We had to think fast! I looked at Ruby (my partner) and with a nod we grabbed the blood and flesh covered torture instruments from the wall and stood ready to face our foes. I told Ruby to get ready, “Get ready” The first man walked through the door and was met with a knife between his eyes. He fell to the floor and blood spewed everywhere. I ran forward to yank my knife from his skull, looked up, and realized we were drastically outnumbered…

we were drastically outnumbered- but it was ok. We had one more trick up our sleeves- serenity mode. “Serenity mode!” I yelled! Diamond and I froze for half a second as power surged through our bodies. Then- things got wild… We were unconscious killing machines that could not be stopped and had no mercy. all that could be seen in this chaotic scene of blood and torture were diamond’s and my knives, fists, claws and round kicks to their faces. We were snapping necks and pulling out hearts and no one could stop us. Blood. Pain. Death. Agony. That’s all life is anyway. Agony.

We snapped out of serenity mode when there was no one left and surveyed our surroundings. There was blood and guts everywhere. When I say everywhere, I mean everywhere-the floor, ceiling, walls and windows were covered in the slime and muck that was the remains of our foes. We had won this bloody battle, while assisting our enemies to a quicker death. We will all die someday; we just helped them along their way. With one last look around the room of death and despair, Ruby and I ran from the room and into the inky, black-as-death night.

We ran into the inky, black-as-death night. Let’s go to the hide-out, i said- “let’s go to the hide-out.” We walked along leaving a bloody trail w every step. At last our wounds began to stop bleeding and we made it back into sin city. We went through dark alley after dark alley until we came to a hidden, little door in the side of a building. Diamond lifted up a “rock” and put in the secret code. the door opened. we walked in to our secret lair- we were safe- for now.

We survey our surroundings, trying to determine if anyone has tampered with our stuff. A few rats run by. Ruby and I grab them, breaking their necks. Rats are a delicacy in SinCity. We throw our dirty bloody clothes in a corner and change into new outfits. We then build a fire, roast the rats, and eat till we have gummy tummies. Suddenly we hear a noise by the entrance to our secret lair…

What’s that? I said. “What’s that?” Diamond took hold of the door handle as i took out my two colt 45s from my Lara Croft leg holsters. 1…2…3!! Diamond flung open the door as I prepared to fire- but no one was there only a note. All it said was “tick-tock.” run! I yelled, “RUN!!” diamond and I took off out the door and were only a few yards away when BBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!! Our secret lair exploded sending a wave of heat and fire sweeping over our bodies. We landed on the ground. Our clothes had been melted to our bloody skin…

I open my eyes, and realize I am on my back. The stench of burning flesh is heavy on the air. I look over and see Ruby, her body is nothing but a bloody pulpy nastiness. I peel my clothes away from my arms and legs. I tell Ruby so much for our new outfits “so much for our new outfits” I cant believe someone found our lair. That’s unbelievable. No one knows where this is, except for our boss. Perhaps we have a traitor in out midst….

We’ve been double-crossed! I said, “We’ve been double-crossed!” diamond and i slowly get up and stumble down the alley w pieces of flesh and burnt clothes trailing along- we had to bring down the boss- but first we had to get ready. Diamond and I made our way to our secret-secret lair, it was abt 3 miles away…

We ran the whole three miles non stop. We got to our secret-secret lair and decided to watch the entrance to see if our deceptive cruel boss of doom arrives to kill us. We hide behind a bush, making sure none of our flesh was left around on the ground for him to see. We hid there for ten hours before anything happened, and then…

And then we heard something and saw a flash of green. Look I said- “look!” It was our attack iguana!! He was still guarding the fort so we knew the place was safe. Our boss hadn’t found out abt our secret-secret lair. Death-whip was so happy to see us as we all ran inside. The first thing Diamond and I went to was the first aid. Then we all got washed up and hot new outfits, something to eat and then fell asleep.

Ruby and I slept for five days straight. Death-whip kept a close watch at the entrance, but nothing happened. On the morning of the fifth day we awoke. I yawned and thought about how hungry I was. “I’m hungry” Ruby agreed. We stood up to get some food, but saw that Death-whip had already fixed us something. Now we were well rested and full. it was time to take down our evil loser of a boss…

The live hamsters that death-whip had caught were a good breakfast to start the day. Feeling rejuvenated and having new outfits and a full stomach we were ready to rock. We restocked on ammo and weapons and took off for the bosses headquarters deep in the middle of the city. The city was cold, damp and dark- like being in a grave. We could smell the stench of decay all around as we approached the building…

The building was dark and dank. It smelled like rotted flesh. Probably because our boss, Mr. Rigg A Mortus, liked to keep the bodies of his victims encased in the walls of the house. Death-whip went with us. He had a spiky collar, and razor sharp metal spikes protruding from his back. He also had a video camera attached to the end of his nose. We could watch the videos from our awesome spy watches. I unclipped his electric-charged leash and he took off to patrol the area. Ruby and I got to the side of the house, and figured that the only way in was through the roof. “Were gonna have to climb.” I say, and we begin the deadly ascent up the 100057865893673 ft wall…

Even though Diamond and I had been shot over 1,000,000,000,000 times in the past few days- we climbed the wall with strength and speed. We came to a window high up and I kicked it in. Then my partner and I dropped into the decaying blackness of our boss’s lair. Luckily our super-hot, black leather outfits had everything we needed- including a flashlight…

We clicked the flashlights on. The feeble light pushed its way through the grave like darkness and we were appalled by what we saw. Rotting, decaying flesh was strewn over the walls, and blood oozed from the ceiling. Apparently Mr. Rigg had been doing some heavy duty torturing. We quickly left the room and turned left down a dark narrow hallway. We cam to a door that was bolted shut. We paused in front of it, and heard footsteps shuffling from within…

Then we heard the sinister voice from within. it was our boss- he was on the phone, we could barely hear what he was saying, “…those two girls that got away… must find them… torture… kill… death…” I looked at Diamond. It was time. I took an explosive strip from my hot outfit and plastered it to the door. Get back I said, “get back.” Diamond and I stepped back. She took out her sleek, black rifle and I took out my two silver, shiny hand guns. we aimed them at the door as the strip detonated… BOOOOOOOOOOOM!

We jump through the smoke only to find the room empty.  I spot a trap door on the ground and tell Ruby that it looks like he got away. “It looks like he got away”  Suddenly we hear the soft tick tick tick of a bomb!  Ruby yells that its a trap. “It’s a trap!!”  We run towards the open window and jump out, just as the room explodes behind us.  Lucky for us, our sexy outfits come equipped with parachutes.  We pull the rip-cord and float gently down to a balcony.  We untangle ourselves from the parachute, take out our weapons, and make our way into the next room in this torture house of doom.   

The room we break into next from the balcony is almost as creepy as the first, we could tell that the floor was splattered w blood and bones- it smelled like death. I kicked in the door as Diamond stood ready, we began to creep forward- we couldn’t see anything because we had lost our flashlights, but then we began to hear a deep growling sound a few yards ahead of us. Man-eating wolves I say, “man-eating wolves!”

I groan inwardly as I realize what we are about to face. Man-eating wolves are among the deadliest creatures on this worthless planet. I grab my cross-bow and Ruby holds her twin colt 45s ready. The growling get louder as the beasts get closer. Suddenly they stop snarling, and the room becomes as silent as a tomb. When these terrible beasts discover their prey, they grow silent and stalk them. They must have picked up our scent I say. “They must have picked up our scent.” Ruby and I nod at each other in determination and begin to fill the room with arrows and bullets.

My bullets light up the room w flashes and flickers as diamond’s arrows pierce through the air. The noise was almost deafening with the sharp sound of my guns, the whistling of diamond’s arrows, and the yelping of the wolves as they all die- one by one. We were doing them a favor- we’ll all die soon enough. Finally everything in the room was dead and lying in a pool of blood except my partner and I. let’s go I said, “let’s go.” We crossed the dark room to the next door…

The next door we came to was bolted shut. While Ruby got out her lock-picking kit, I looked at my watch to see how Death-whip was doing. Instead of seeing what he sees, there was a message that flashed across the tiny screen. It read “if you ever want to see you precious iguana again, come to the 23rd floor.” I told Ruby what the message said, “The message says that if we ever want to see Death-whip again, we have to go to the 23rd floor.” Ruby immediately put her supplies away and we headed for the 23rd floor. We never leave a man behind…

My partner-in-crime and I push through a loud, heavy door and see a stair case. We’ve got to save Deathwhip I say. “We’ve got to save Deathwhip!” It was dark as death but Diamond and I proceeded to the stairs. I put my foot on the first stair and it slipped off- blood! “It’s blood!” I say. Diamond put her hand on the rail and quickly moved it. There was blood there too. The stairwell smelled of death, then I heard something on the stairs below us…

Ruby and I freeze on the bloody stairway. The noise stops suddenly, and all that can be heard is the sicking sound of blood dripping from the railing to the floor. Ruby and I glance at each other and with a nod, we pull out our death dealing guns of doom. Whoever or whatever waits for us below, doesn’t stand a chance…

We freeze. All we can hear is the rapid beating of our hearts-then a faint ticking noise begins to float up the stairs. run I think- “RUN! IT’S A FLESH-EATING ACID BOMB!” Diamond and I turn and begin racing up the stairs as fast as possible, slipping and sliding, falling and catching ourselves in the pools of the stenching blood. We round the corner and come to a door- slamming our blood-stained bodies through it, landing on the other side, and kicking it shut again just in time to hear a huge explosion and see waves of ultraviolet lights sweeping past us…

I open my eyes, surprised that I am still alive. Relief washes over me and I look over at my partner. It is only then that I realize we are lying in pools of our own blood. Ruby stirs, and awakens. Wordlessly, we drag ourselves through the slippery blood, and out onto a balcony where we can go over our injuries. We are hurt bad. The bone in my left forearm it sticking completely through my skin, and I know that Ruby is in no better shape. We’ve gotta get through this I say. “We’ve gotta get through this.” No matter how near death we are, we can’t leave Deathwhip to a fate worse than death.

They’re just minor flesh wounds I say, “they’re just minor flesh wounds.” Diamond and I have been through worse. We get up and begin limping down the dark hallway with pieces of our own flesh hanging loosely like paper. There was rotting flesh and corpses scattered along the walls but we were becoming immune to the smell of death. Ahead was a door with a small glimmer of light seeping out around the cracks. I grab the doorknob and take out my handgun. Diamond has her gun out and ready for action as well. We burst through the door ready for an explosion of bullets- but instead all that we saw was Deathwhip!

We cautiously look around the room, looking for a trap. There is no way this should be this easy I say, “There is no way this should be this easy.” The room is covered in blood and guts. Dismembered, rotting corpses hang from the ceiling. I look at Deathwhip, and notice he isn’t moving. Ruby and I approach the iguana, and realize that its not Deathwhip at all…The iguana in front of us is dead, dead like we all will be some day, and attached to its tail is a note. I read it to Ruby. “This will be your beloved Deathwhip in ten minutes. Time is running out.”…

Hurry I yell- “HURRY!” Diamond and I bolt for the door. I try to slam through, but instead I feel like I hit a brick wall. The door was locked! we were trapped- just liked we are all trapped in this meaningless maze that we call life. No way out, we struggle and fight and it’s all for nothing. We all end up rotting corpses in the end. what should we do I ask, “what should we do?”

I can tell that Ruby is panicked, but I force myself to remain calm.  There has to be a way out of this maze of death.  I look at the ceiling and spot an oozing, bloody grate.  I point at it and tell Ruby that maybe we could escape through it.  “Maybe we can escape through it.”  I boost her up and she knocks the grate down.  She pulls herself through the slimy bloodiness of where the grate was, and then pulls me up.  I look down one dark, death like tunnel, and then down the other.  I ask Ruby which way we should go.  “Which way should we go?”…

Left I say. “Left.” “Are you sure?” Diamond asks. Yes I say, “yes.” But I wasn’t sure. Uncertainty is a part of our cold, meaningless lives. We never know what’s going to happen, we never know when we’re going to die and just how gruesome our death is going to be. The one thing we can be sure of is that it will be gruesome, and it will be painful. Diamond and I crawl through the blinding darkness as quietly as possible. Finally we see a light ahead and ungracefully fumble towards it. Diamond and I peer down into a room reeking with the smell of blood. All we can see is a rusty cage- and in that cage we see Deathwhip!

…..And that’s all, folks.  Apparently the story ends on this tantalizing cliffhanger.

 

Mischief Managed