Monica – Friend to the Squatches

Somehow in the course of a texting conversation, we started talking about Sasquatches.  Naturally.  And so the following conversation happened.

Katie – You’ll be the master!  TEACH THEM HOW TO SQUATCH!  It will be a good life skill for them.

Monica – There’s something in the pasture!!  I bet its a squatch…I know it has to be.  I should do some tree knocks.

Katie – AHHH a squatch!!!  Did you do some calls?

Monica – Not this time.  This time I just sat back and listened.

Katie – That’s probably wise.  I’m sure it could sense your presence and you not doing anything communicated friend to it.  I’m sure.

Monica – I told dad too and he thinks it was a good idea to sit and listen because that’s probably why no one ever sees them, they’re always being scared of by noise.

Katie – Agreed.  You took a big step forward with this guy.  I can’t wait to see what happens next!

Monica – Hopefully contact.  But I won’t push it.  Slow and steady.

Katie – That’s really very wise.  Perhaps he’ll let you see him next time.  Maybe he’ll knock a tree and point at you as if to say, that’s for you Monica, friend to the Squatches.

Monica – I’ll be like the Jane Goodall with squatches.

Katie – Documentaries will be made about you.

Monica – Oh I’m fully expecting the Nobel Prize for my work.

Katie – You totally should.  “Thank you for granting me this honor.  The money from this prize will go towards my Sasquatch Foundation which you are all aware of.  I think you and the Squatches thank you.”

Monica – If Obama can get one for doing nothing…you better believe I’ll get one, best him and bring dignity back to the name of Nobel!


When friends text- Pride of the Serengeti – Part 2

Monica – The baby zebra, having no choice but to relinquish to his dreadful fate at the jaws of the hungry lioness, surges on with little hope of returning to the heard; as they fade farther and farther in the distance.  The despondent mother, braying despair and resignation…

Katie – The frenzied lioness pays no heed to the crying of the baby.  No, she far too hungry to feel any compassion.

Monica – Prospective feasting before her, she pays little heed to the familial ties of mother and foal.  Indeed they are of little significance to this great cat; being driven by pure instinct and desire.

Katie – The lioness sinks her razor sharp fangs into the neck of the young foal and his terrified cries are quickly silenced.  The lioness waits to make sure the foal is indeed dead before deciding to drag the lifeless form off.  It’s interesting that the lioness went for the foal considering the mare would have given her more food.

Monica – But as is so often the case on the plains of the Serengeti, the weak, young, old, or sickly, are targeted for the feed.  Let’s look back and observe our lioness (adjusting binoculars).  Ah, there we are.  Ah ha!  Look!  She indeed has young cubs to provide for!  A dinner of foal will do quite well for them, however it is not being sufficient for the obviously hungry mother, we must now conclude she will not receive any of the fruits of her labor as it is her cubs who take precedence here…Look there! A magnificent young cub has claimed the lions share (pun intended *Brit smirk*) of the life-sustaining foal.  Now that, folks, is a million dollar cub.  No doubt destined to be a great leader of his own pride if he is able to survive the struggles of youth.  From appearances, I’d say he has a good chance (looks back).

Katie – Unfortunately this leaves less meat for the other cubs.  What will the mother do now?  She needs to eat as well.  Look! *dramatic whisper* look!  She has spotted something on the horizon.  It will be a testimony to how hungry she is if she leaves her cubs to go after something else.  Let’s see what she’ll do.

Monica – What could it be?  We shall see.  Let me adjust my Alpen Binoculars (little plug for the show sponsor  as you do)…a lone wildebeest…

Katie – *Booming voice over   Next week on Life in the Serengeti- will our lioness be able to provide for her cubs?  Will she be able to provide for herself? Or will a new pride of lions overtake her territory?!  Join us next week to find out!  *screedly deedly music as camera pans away*