When Friends Text: Update

The foolish die young…

(This is a continuation of conversations (sometimes allegorical in nature) based upon lions, baby gazelles, national geographic, animal planet, and proper sounding male british narrators)

Katie: … The voice in my head is totally a British guy on animal planet. So I die laughing.

Monica: It’s the almost too perfect British accent. Extremely proper, describing scenes of horror.

K: “Notice how the lioness uses its’ jaws to rip open the tender flesh of the gazelles neck. Her fangs are perfect for tearing open the jugular vein. The gazelle will die very quickly.”

M: “The massive amount of blood lost will kill the tiny little gazelle before its’ body can register the trauma to its’ internal organs.”

K: “Which is a good thing because even though this is all part of nature, we would not like the creature to suffer… Oh, look now, the cubs are approaching! *whisper* Let’s see how they handle this kill!

M: “It will seem a mere play thing to these young cubs, but as they mature and learn to hunt from their mother they will learn not to tease their food.”

K: “Now lets check in with the other pride. These cubs are older and it looks like mum is letting them hunt on their own for the first time.”

M: “They’ve chosen a baby elephant. Excellent choice for an easy target, or so it may seem. A little calf like this is defenseless with out its’ tusks, which will begin to come in before long. BUT these young lions are forgetting a vItal bit. Their blood lust has blinded them to the large mother cow and herd grazing close by… Oh wait! She’s seen them! This mother weighs over one ton and when angered could easily gore a grown male lion when provoked. And she is provoked. Now look! The herd has been alerted. OH they’re circling round! Yes! Yes, this is an elephant herd’s form of defending their young. See there, as the babies are grouped in the middle. 15 angry protective mother elephants with 3 foot long tusks! These cubs would be foolish to persist in their hunt… Blimey, ask any man and they’ll tell you, do not mess with an angry hormonal mother… Mothers, in this case.”

K: “But these cubs are young and so do not seem to recognize these warning signs. They have slowed down a bit, but you can tell by their body language they are definitely interested in having this baby for lunch… Oh wow, look, look at the mother elephant! See how she flares her ears out and shakes her mighty head? This is clearly a defensive position. It’s as though she’s telling the cubs, ‘Come on! Let’s see what you can do!’… The cubs are circling the elephants now to try and find a break in the wall, but I just do not see that happening.”

M: “The cubs are backing off. And good thing too. They understand no… but wait! One continues to press in. If I understand this cow correctly she’s set to charge and kill. There she goes! There she goes!… Oh a grisly sight, but it is the way of things out here on the Serengeti. The cubs were given proper instrustion from their mum and the pride, but it’s an all too familiar truth; the foolish die young…. (*cue dramatic music. camera pans out to show the young cubs loping off in the distance, back to the pride; dejected and still hungry, with tempers a bit flared.*)

K:(*dramatic voice-over*) “Join us next week on Pride of the Serengeti as we watch these two prides go head-to-head over a herd of zebra. Two prides. One herd. One victor.”

M: (*cue the credits and “screedly deedly sad music”*)